On Stress

I roll over and tap my watch, attempting to check the time without waking my wife. It is 1:15 AM and I am wide awake, a constant parade of decisions and implications marching through my consciousness.

Stress has been an intermittent companion throughout my career, making an appearance to accompany me through challenging times. As a combat leader, I learned to master stress in critical situations. I'd harness it to maintain focus on essential actions. I could go for days with little sleep or food, if the situation warranted it. Now, as I lay awake early on a Sunday morning, the circumstances seem more mundane. In combat, I'd mentally check and recheck critical aspects of a mission in progress, concurrently directing actions as the bullets flew. Now, I mentally check and recheck an email I need to send to my boss while concurrently "red-teaming" my family's fall break plans.

The circumstances are not life and death but my experience has conditioned me to provide the same response. If left unmitigated, my stress will spin toward anxiety, where the emotional response separates itself from the original stressor. I'll be tired because I was up for a few hours the previous night and will probably be irritable. I'll either skip my workout or rush into it and will be much more likely to tweak my back. I'll use extra caffeine to focus in the morning and early afternoon, then an extra beer or two to slow my brain down in the evening. I'm likely to "cheat" excessively when it comes to nutrition. Poor nutrition and exercise make me tired, just in time for another 1:15 wake-up. Rinse. repeat. The anxious pattern has become more familiar over the years, so I've developed a few tools to beat it.

Deliberate Physical Activity.

When I'm stressed, I deliberately modify physical activities, allowing myself to continue working out while limiting the potential for careless injuries. First, I increase the time I spend outside during these workouts. Though I enjoy being in my home gym most days, being outside helps me feel a little more balanced when I am stressed out. There's just something therapeutic about hearing the birds and breathing fresh air. Instead of hitting the weights, I'll increase cardio activities, usually increasing run or bike distances. Though I usually work out early in the morning, when I'm stressed I try to get out again in the daylight. This could be as simple as a walk with my wife or an easy bodyweight session in the driveway. I take time to stretch throughout the day and, if possible, add in a stress relief yoga session. For me, exercise is a proven method of reducing stress.

Deliberate Sleep.

Since (for me) stress and interrupted sleep go hand in hand, I look for ways to break the cycle throughout the day and also set optimal conditions for the night. First, I try to make time for a good nap, ideally directly following lunch. Naps don't help with the 1:15 wake-up, directly, but they can mitigate the impacts of a sleepless night and the propensity to spin further into the stress spiral described above. This is as easy as clearing my calendar for 30 minutes, finding a quiet spot, dialing up some white noise, and closing my eyes. 10 to 15 minutes can be super restorative. As afternoon turns into evening, I double down on good sleep hygiene habits. First, I reduce or eliminate alcohol consumption, even though my brain asks for a cold beer. Next, I make every attempt to limit digital devices, particularly in the two hours before bed. Instead, I pick up an easy read, perhaps a novel or other fictional work I've had on the back burner. Finally, I try my best to maintain predictive sleep and wake times, regardless of how tired I am. The faster I can get back to my routine, the better off I'll be. I use several tools to monitor sleep quality, time in bed, and overall sleep deficit/surplus. These tools provide a good snapshot of my status and the deficit I need to replenish when stress impacts my sleep.

Talk it Out.

Finally, I look for opportunities to talk through the perceived crisis with friends and mentors. If you're asking someone to listen, don't shy away from telling them what is stressing you out. Give them the details, all of the details, then listen as they give you feedback from their perspective. A good mentor can provide perspective and insight from relevant experience. If a regular conversation doesn't do the trick, consider discussing the worst-case scenario associated with your stress. Verbalize what's bothering you, then describe the worst possible second and third-order effects. Finally, ask for help identifying the tangible aspects of the issue you can impact. Separating actionable issues from worry and pontification is an excellent way to reduce undue stress. Sometimes, just hearing yourself express the root cause of your stress is therapeutic.

Stress is a reality for everyone, especially leaders. How you respond to and mitigate stress is what matters. Use the simple tools provided in this article to learn, grow, and adapt your own response.